Mother's Day for a Loss Mama and her Support System.
The weather is changing, flowers are blooming, and spring is in the air. One of the most popular holidays we celebrate in the spring in North America is Mother's Day. A special day where we take the time to show all the Mom's, Grandma's, Aunts, and Mother figures out there just how much they are loved and appreciated. Mom's are truly incredible women and definitely deserve to be showered with love and appreciation for all that they do for their families unconditionally.
Although Mother's Day can be a very special time for many, it is important to recognize that it can also be an incredibly challenging day for others. For those who have lost moms, grown up without a mom, lost a child in any way, are unable to become moms through infertility, among many other things, Mother's Day can be heart wrenching.
Something that a lot of loss moms whose children live in heaven struggle with is not being recognized as a Mom by others on Mother's Day because your child is not physically here. This in itself can be crushing.
As loss Mom’s how can we cope? How can we get through this challenging day? As friends and family of a loss mama- how can you support and honour these women for Mother's Day??
Here are some suggestions:
International Bereaved Mother's Day
A day I learned about after becoming part of the loss community is International Bereaved Mother's Day which is the Sunday before Mother’s Day. This year it falls on May 2nd. If you have never heard of it, International Bereaved Mother's Day is a day where we honour women who have lost a child in any way. This could include women who lost children through miscarriage, still birth, missed miscarriage, SIDS, neonatal loss, infant loss, child loss, loss of an adult child…the list goes on. It also includes women who have lost their chance at becoming a mother through infertility.
You can show your support for a bereaved mother on this day by letting her know you are thinking of her and her child. Doing something small like writing her a card, sending her flowers, or even sending her a message letting her know you are thinking about her will mean the world to her. Let her know you see her, and that you honour her.
Ways to get through Mother's Day for a Loss Mom
Here are some suggestions for how you as a loss Mom can get through Mother's Day.
Write a Letter to your Child
Writing a letter to your child can be very powerful and helpful when you are grieving. In your letter, tell them about how you are feeling. Ask them questions you may be wondering about them at this specific point in time. Let them know how much you love them. Writing letters to your angel can be a special way that you can continue to feel connected to them.
Journaling
I have shared on numerous occasions just how helpful journaling is as you support yourself through your loss. A journal is a place where you can feel free to share exactly what you are thinking and feeling without the fear of what others may think or say. It is a place where you can be 110% honest with yourself. As a way to help yourself cope with the feelings and emotions that come up on Mother's Day, write a journal entry to express your thoughts. Whether it be 1 page or 10, write as much as you need. Allow yourself the time and space you need to feel.
Take a Social Media Break
Social media can be a wonderful platform to share special memories and moments with those we love. It can also be a difficult place where many people can be reminded of things they don't have or have lost. On Mother's Day you will surely find many posts of mamas with their littles, posts honouring mom’s and everything Mother's Day. While this can be great for some, for a loss Mom it may just be too much. A reminder of what she has lost. Give yourself permission to take a break from social media so that you do not have to see all of the posts. Whether it be just for that day or for the days leading up to it as well. Whatever it is you need.
Self care or you time
Take some time for you on Mother's Day to do something relaxing and soothing. Maybe go for a peaceful walk, take a relaxing bath, book a massage or facial, or curl up with a cup of tea and a book. Whatever you do for yourself that brings you peace. This is a great way to slow down and honour yourself.
Do something special with your family
Do a special activity with your family that allows you to spend time together. It could be anything your family enjoys like going for hikes, a road trip, a family craft together, a movie marathon, or a bike ride. The list is endless. You could do something creative as a family to honour you as a Mom and to honour your child.
Celebrate the Day
You may find that celebrating Mother’s Day and honouring yourself as the amazing mother you are may be helpful. If that is the case, let those around you know that you would like to celebrate and what you may like to do. Or let them handle it and surprise and pamper you. You deserve it mama!!
Seek Support
Do not be afraid to seek support if this is a challenging time for you. Whether that be informally by sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, or professional support from a counsellor.
Here are some places where you can access support:
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Centre
Ways to Support a Loss Mom on Mother's Day
If you are the family member or friend of a Mother who has lost their child, or who may be struggling with infertility there are several things you can do to show her love and support on Mother's Day.
Show her you are thinking of her
Similar to International Bereaved Mother's Day, do something to show her that you are thinking of her. Send her a message, write her a card, get her a special gift, send her flowers, or anything else that shows her you are thinking of her. Let her know you recognize her as the amazing mother she is, and celebrate her for it.
Support her
Be there to support her during this challenging time. Simply asking her how are you doing? Is there anything you need? How can I support you through this? These are all helpful statements that allow her the opportunity to open up and talk if she needs to. Or maybe drop off a hot meal to take that one extra thing she doesn't have to do off her plate. Whatever it is you choose to do just be there to support her needs.
Give her space
A loss Mom may just want stillness and some space as Mother's Day comes and goes. Be ok with that. Know that sometimes what she needs is just time to be with her feelings and her thoughts, and that is ok.
Once again Mother's Day can be a very joyous occasion but a very challenging one for many others. Let's be there for those Mama's who may need the extra love and support.
Wishing all you Mom's out there whether your children are here with you or are angels up in the sky a happy and gentle Mother's Day. A mother in any capacity is an exceptionally strong, resilient, and phenomenal woman!!
Alia
Xoxo
